Virtual Church of the contact | map
Blind Chihuahua


More to religion
than pleasing
your imaginary friend

TAOISM S__t happens.
CONFUCIANISM Confucius say: "S__t happens."
BUDDHISM S__t doesn't really happen. It is only called s__t happening.
What is the sound of one s__t happening?
SIKHISM Cut that s__t out, or we'll cut it out of you!
HINDUISM This s__t has happened before.
PLATONISM This s__t will happen again.
JAINISM When it happens, s__t gently. Don't hurt the s__t.
SHINTO If s__t happens, put a flower in it. Make a pretty offering.
HARE KRISHNA ...s__t happens, s__t happens, s__t happens...
MOONIES Only happy s__t really happens.
WICCA S__t happens if you will it to happen.
ISLAM S__t happens because Allah wills it.
SUFISM Even though s__t happens, Allah wants you to dance.
PROTESTANTISM Let s__t happen to someone else.
JUDAISM Why does this s__t always happen to us?
CATHOLICISM You deserve this s__t.
Vatican II
If s__t happens, blame the clergy.
PRESBYTERIANISM S__t should happen decently and in good order.
CALVINISM S__t is predestined to happen because you don't work hard enough.
7TH DAY ADVENTISM No s__t on Saturdays.
TORONTO BLESSING Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, s__t happens, ha-ha-ha-ha....
ANGLICANISM Scripture contains all things necessary to deal with s__t happening.
ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM We still favor happenings of state-supported s__t.
FUNDAMENTALISM Unless you're one of us, you're s__t.
S__t won't happen for you until you're totally immersed in it.
S__t happens! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
METAPHYSICS In terms of materialistic ontogeny, we're all s__t.
NEW AGE When s__t happens, channel it. Visualise s__t happening.
S__t happening is an act of the Goddess.
Feminist Separatism
When s__t happens, blame men.
Men's Movement
Drums & fire make s__t happen hot & loud.
RASTAFARIANISM Let';s smoke this s__t!
Bud Lightism
S__t happens... I love you, man!
EXISTENTIALISM S__t is, therefore it happens.
JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES If you just let me in, I'll tell you why s__t happens.
MORMONISM If s__t happens, make sure you have a 2-year food supply.
RAJNEESH For $1000, s__t can happen for you, too.
HEDONISM There's nothing like a good s__t happening!
STOICISM This s__t is good for me.
ZOROASTRIANISM Bad s__t happens half the time. The rest of the time, it's good.
Don't burn that s__t — fire is sacred!
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE This s__t is all in your mind.
BAHA'I S__t happens to everyone alike.
UNITARIANISM If there is a s__t, let it happen to each in his/her own way.
AGNOSTICISM Maybe s__t happens, and maybe it doesn't.
Who gives a s__t?
ATHEISM No s__t!
Republicans When s__t happens, stare like a deer in the headlights. Or invade a country that had nothing to do with it. Or both.
Democrats When s__t happens, deny it. Or else weasel your way out of it with double talk, as in, "It depends on what the meaning of 's__t' is."
NRA S__t will happen when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
NRA-Ted Nugent Style Before you grill s__t, you gotta kill s__t!
Yeah. I could roll in that. See also the intensely gross Things I have Learned from my Dog, Pongo

This has circulated over the net in many versions. Here's ours, with contributions from Scooper, Andy Busch, MM, RF, and others.